I feel tired, even exhausted.
The physical pain doesn't seem to get better soon.
I'm pretty self-conscious, don't like the face I see in the mirror. Wishing I could put myself into action, throw myself into the whole bunch of work I still gotta do. Preparing next lesson's moderation, keeping up with contents, coping with life.
Don't exatcly know what's wrong with me at this very moment. I'm not the slightest bit light-hearted though I should be.
Right now, I'm supposed to get along with the outcomes of another boring clinical study concentrating on the object of the effects of anxiety exposition therapy. Really pisses me off. Everything.
Especially losing contact to people who used to be very good friends. I can see it coming. As clearly as if it had happened today. A happy holiday's left. Seven days of joy and excitement. And I will enjoy it. 'Cos I know, afterwards, everything's going to go into pieces. Considering only this aspect of my social life... this particular friendship... I ought to be sad. I am, of course. Who wouldn't? Nevertheless, I've given in and accepted. No way to keep it together and I'll be fine.
Maybe the number of people I can be friends with is limited. If new ones step up on the scene, others have to leave... decide to leave. Could it be possible, that I'm simply not able to care for different people at the same time? So... that might be the limit. I know it shouldn't, but obviously it is. A fact of life, I guess.
However, one I have to learn to deal with.